Healing the World through Acts of Kindness

Face it: We Love Each Other

In the tunnels beneath London, October 1940, the earth shuddered with each thunderous impact. Margaret Whitmore pressed herself against the tile wall of the Underground station, her breath visible, as she clutched a basket that held everything she owned. The smell of smoke seeped through the ventilation shafts, and somewhere in the darkness, a baby cried.

“Here,” she whispered, offering him half of her precious rationed bread. He looked at her with eyes that held decades of carefully maintained distance, then reached out to accept what she offered. In that simple exchange, something profound shifted. Others began sharing blankets, medicines, stories. Strangers became neighbors became family, united by the strange alchemy of shared vulnerability.

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Sixty-one years later and an ocean away, another September morning dawned brilliant and blue over Manhattan. Phil Penman adjusted his camera lens, expecting another routine assignment, unaware that the world was about to crack open. At 8:46 AM, the impossible became real. Steel and glass and human hope crumbled in ways that defied comprehension.

On the 87th floor of the North Tower, Joanne Capestro felt the building shudder, then tilt, then scream. She ran down a staircase that seemed to spiral into eternity, past faces she had never noticed in eleven years of sharing elevators, past security guards and executives and janitors whose names she had never learned, but whose humanity blazed now with startling clarity.

When she stumbled onto the street, covered in dust that made her look like a ghost, Phil captured her image. Two strangers, connected by catastrophe, their lives intersecting in a moment when the ordinary world had been stripped away to reveal something truer underneath. Later, much later, they would find each other again. Not as the photographer and subject of that haunting image, but as friends who understood that sometimes it takes the worst of times to reveal the best of who we are.

In the days that followed, something miraculous happened in the wounded city. The invisible barriers that had long divided New Yorkers—the careful distance between strangers on subway cars, the practiced avoidance of eye contact, the unspoken hierarchies of class and race—simply evaporated. Investment bankers nodded to taxi drivers. Fashion executives asked homeless veterans if they needed water. Children from Harlem embraced firefighters from Queens. The city that had perfected the art of anonymous coexistence suddenly remembered how to be neighbors. Or perhaps it learned for the first time.

From across the vast American continent, they came. Police officers from small Montana towns, firefighters from California suburbs, rescue workers from farming communities in Iowa, all converging on Ground Zero with determined hearts. They came not because they shared the same politics or religion or skin color, but because they shared something deeper: the recognition that when one part of the human family bleeds, we all bleed.

In hospitals and community centers from Seattle to Miami, lines formed around city blocks. Strangers rolled up their sleeves and offered the most intimate gift they could give—their own blood—to people they would never meet. The nation’s veins became conduits of an ancient truth made manifest. We are not individuals sharing geography, but threads in a tapestry so intricately woven that when one strand is torn, the whole fabric responds.

In both London’s tunnels and on Manhattan’s streets, in the space between heartbeats when everything familiar crumbles, the truth emerges. Our differences are costumes we wear until crisis calls us to remember what we share. Fear has a way of burning through pretense, leaving only the essential human heart, the part of us that reaches out, that shares bread in the darkness.

A Killer-Thriller Author Discussing Peace?

You might ask why an author of dark crime thrillers is discussing peace. Fair question. Allow me to give you a worthwhile answer.

I share the same concerns as you. During my life, which is pushing 57 years today, I’ve never witnessed this much discourse or anger in our society. Though history suggests peace and understanding will prevail, I don’t want another tragedy to bring us together. 

Today, I don’t come to you as a Christian or as an atheist, nor do I approach you as a card-carrying member of the left or right. I only wish to empower you to change the world. 

“Change the world, Dan? Are you off your rocker?”

I may very well be, but science backs this power I speak of. If you don’t believe me, read on. 

All I ask is you spread this message through one small act today. Whether that is sharing this post on your Facebook page, sending this link to a loved one who needs hope, or simply saying “hello” to a complete stranger, please take one small step today and get the snowball rolling. You won’t believe how large it can grow.

Is Hope Lost?

I sit here in the present day, watching the news with a sense of déjà vu. Protests turning violent, neighbors screaming at neighbors across religious and political divides, families fracturing along ideological fault lines.

Our social media feeds spread rage, each post a small act of warfare disguised as discourse. The very technology designed to connect us has become a weapon for division, amplifying our worst impulses until they echo in chambers of mutual contempt.

It’s as if we’ve developed collective amnesia and forgotten the lessons written in the rubble of the Twin Towers and etched in the Underground stations of wartime London. The unity that emerged from those ashes seems distant now. Red and blue have become blood types, incompatible and toxic when mixed. Black and white, young and old, native-born and immigrant. And by the way, unless you’re a Native American, your family emigrated to the USA.

We’ve retreated into tribal camps, viewing each other not as fellow travelers through life, but as enemies to be defeated.

I find myself wondering: have we learned nothing? Are we doomed to repeat this cycle of division and hatred until some new catastrophe forces us to remember our shared humanity? Must the world always burn before we recall how to love?

But then … and this is where the supernatural enters the mundane … I remember something our rulers and the media prefer we forget. Extraordinary power resides in a single human being who chooses to act differently.

One person. One conversation. One moment of choosing grace over grievance, understanding over animosity, connection over conquest.

The Margaret Whitmores and Phil Penmans of the world didn’t wait for permission to reach across the void. They didn’t require a committee, a movement, or a trending hashtag. In the most organic way, they decided to be the light in someone else’s darkness. And that light spread, not through grand gestures or viral videos, but through the potency of human example.

This is what I want you to understand. You possess this same power. Not someday, not when you’re older or wiser or more influential, but right now, exactly as you are. Every person you encounter gives you an opportunity to practice the radical art of seeing someone else’s humanity, even (especially) when they disagree with everything you hold sacred.

The change you wish to see doesn’t begin with changing others. It begins with the person staring back at you in the mirror.

But I’m Only One Person

I know how you feel. It seems your one small voice gets lost in the sea of shouting.

But one person can change the lives of countless others through a single act of kindness.

In The 5 Side Effects of Kindness by David R Hamilton PHD, Hamilton describes a powerful example. An anonymous 28-year-old person walked into a clinic and donated a kidney. It set off a pay it forward type ripple effect where the spouses and family members of kidney recipients donated one of theirs to a stranger in need. The domino effect, as it was called in the New England Journal of Medicine report, spanned the length and breadth of the United States of America, where 10 people received a new kidney as a consequence of that anonymous donor.

This example illustrates what Hamilton calls the “contagious” nature of kindness, one of the five side effects he discusses in his book. He explains that when we’re kind, we inspire others to be kind, and studies show that it actually creates a ripple effect that spreads outwards to our friends’ friends’ friends. That’s 3-degrees of separation, almost as much as Kevin Bacon! Just as a pebble creates waves when it is dropped into a pond, so acts of kindness spread outward, touching others’ lives and inspiring kindness everywhere the wave goes.

Even better, by choosing kindness, you receive incredible benefits. According to Dr. Hamilton’s studies: 

• Kindness makes us happier
• Kindness is good for the heart
• Kindness slows aging
• Kindness improves relationships
• Kindness is contagious

Hamilton isn’t alone in this belief.

In “Holy Moments” by Matthew Kelly, Kelly demonstrates the power of Holy Moments doesn’t stop with you. It doesn’t stop with the people you love. Kelly defines a holy moment as anytime you do something that is good for another person. It can be as simple as carrying an older person’s groceries from the store to their car, or holding the door open for another, or paying for the next person’s coffee. The transformative effect of Holy Moments can breathe new life into your parish, galvanize the entire Church, and even shift the world toward a new era of generosity and love.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, this is a powerful message. 

The Power of You: Scientific Evidence

Social Contagion and Network Science (Christakis & Fowler)

Harvard and UCSD researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have extensively documented social contagion through peer-reviewed studies published in leading journals including the New England Journal of Medicine and Statistics in Medicine. Their research demonstrates the “three degrees of influence” property, where individual behaviors and attitudes spread through social networks up to three degrees of separation.

Key Findings:

• “Happiness is more contagious than unhappiness. According to their statistical analysis, each additional happy friend boosts your good cheer by 9 percent, while each additional unhappy friend drags you down by only 7 percent.”
• “When one person gives money to help others in a ‘public-goods game,’ where people have the opportunity to cooperate with each other, the recipients are more likely to give away their own money to other people in future games. This creates a domino effect in which one person’s generosity spreads first to three people and then to the nine people those three people interact with in the future.”
• “As a result, the money a person gives in the first round of the experiment is ultimately tripled by others who are subsequently (directly or indirectly) influenced to give more.”

MIT Media Lab Research on Social Influence

MIT’s research confirms that “social influence exhibits the ripple effect, decaying across social distances from the source but persisting up to six degrees of separation.” This peer-reviewed research validates that individual actions have measurable impacts that extend far beyond immediate contacts. And for once, it even beats Kevin Bacon…

Large-Scale Experimental Evidence

A major study in Honduras involving 24,702 people across 176 isolated villages demonstrated that “Network targeting using friendship nomination effectively promotes population-wide improvements in welfare through social contagion.” The research found that “Knowledge spread more readily than behavior, and spillovers extended to two degrees of separation.”

Climate Change Research on Individual Actions

Peer-reviewed research published in ScienceDirect examined interventions designed to convince people that “their individual actions spread and multiply, causing larger changes in interconnected systems (also known as ripple or butterfly effects).” The study identified four principles: “social norms, consumer pressure, political pressure, and snowball effects.”

Historical Case Study: MADD Movement

The success of Mothers Against Drunk Driving provides documented evidence of individual action creating massive change. “In the case of drunk driving, it was a mother, Candy Lightner, who lost her 13-year-old daughter, Cari, in 1980 because of the actions of a drunk driver. She channeled her grief into establishing MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving), which led to heightened awareness and the passing of legislation to raise the legal drinking age to 21. Because of her efforts and that of many courageous advocates across the country, drunk driving fatalities have been cut in half – from 21,000 in 1980 to 10,142 in 2019 – saving more than 300,000 lives.”

Think about it. Two people (Candy and Cari Lightner) saved 300,000 lives.

Rosa Parks Case Study

Rosa Parks provides a documented historical example of individual action creating massive social change. Her refusal to give up her bus seat “launched the Montgomery Bus Boycott by 17,000 black citizens” and “set in motion one of the largest social movements in history.” President Obama credited Parks’ “singular act of disobedience” with launching a civil rights movement that continues today.

Scientific Validation of Butterfly Effect

Cambridge Core published research showing how “positive relationships that prioritize restoring shared, meaningful and purposeful identities can lead to expansive and incremental capacity for transformative outcomes for sustainability: a process we liken to the butterfly effect.”

Scientific evidence overwhelmingly supports Hamilton and Kelly’s assertions about ripple effects. Peer-reviewed research from prestigious institutions demonstrates that:

1. Individual actions measurably spread through social networks up to three degrees of separation
2. Cooperative behavior cascades through human networks with documented multiplier effects
3. Small changes trigger large-scale transformations in complex social systems
4. Historical examples like MADD and Rosa Parks provide real-world validation of individual actions creating massive societal change

Moments of kindness create transformative ripple effects that extend far beyond what any single person might imagine.

Practical Strategies for Connection

How does one begin the work of bridge-building in a world that seems determined to burn every span between us? The answer lies not in grand gestures or heroic acts, but in the quiet mastery of three fundamental skills that anyone can learn, practice, and perfect, starting NOW.

Listen First, Judge Later

We can learn much from the lesson taught during a heated neighborhood meeting about a proposed homeless shelter near New York City. As voices rose and accusations flew, an elderly woman named Dorothy sat quietly in the back row, her face etched with what many mistook for anger. When she finally spoke, the attendees expected another tirade about property values and safety concerns. Instead, she said, “My grandson is homeless. He’s been living in his car for three months.”

The room fell silent. In that moment, the attendees realized they had spent the entire evening preparing counterarguments instead of trying to understand the fear and pain behind Dorothy’s position. She wasn’t opposing the shelter out of cruelty. She was terrified that her grandson might be among those who needed it, and terrified of what that meant about her family’s circumstances.

True listening requires a fundamental shift in approach. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, you wait for your turn to understand. Instead of asking questions designed to trap someone in logical inconsistencies, you ask questions that reveal the human story beneath their stance.

“What experiences led you to feel this way?”

“What concerns you most about this situation?”

“What would an ideal solution look like from your perspective?”

This isn’t about abandoning your convictions or pretending all viewpoints are equally valid. Recognize that most people, even those whose positions seem unconscionable to you, arrived at their beliefs through some combination of lived experience, genuine care for something precious to them, and imperfect information. When you seek to understand before screaming to be understood, you discover the chasm between you isn’t as wide as it first appeared.

Find the Person Behind the Position

Every political stance, every passionate argument, every firmly held belief is really a story in disguise. It’s a story of someone trying to protect what they love or prevent what they fear. The art of connection lies in learning to read these stories with the same attention you would give to a novel that moved you to tears.

Take the immigration activist who seems to dismiss concerns about border security. Perhaps their own family fled violence in another country, or they worked with refugees and saw the human cost of restrictive policies. Their stance isn’t necessarily about politics, but about compassion, justice, or the belief that everyone deserves a chance for safety and dignity.

This doesn’t mean their positions are correct or yours are wrong. Behind every ideology is a human being.

Start Small and Local

Here is a truth that might surprise you. The most effective way to heal our world isn’t through national movements or viral campaigns, but through the act of caring about your immediate surroundings. Begin with community connections.

In 2016, I read about a community garden in Virginia where Trump supporters and Bernie supporters dug side by side in simmering tension. Within minutes of working together to plant tomatoes and pull weeds, something magical began to happen. Political affiliations mattered less than shared knowledge about composting. Immigration policy debates gave way to discussions about the best varieties of peppers to grow in our climate. The man with the “Back the Blue” bumper sticker worked alongside the woman with the “Black Lives Matter” yard sign, both focused on the goal of nurturing something beautiful into existence.

This is the power of local, practical connection. When you’re working side by side toward a concrete goal, whether it’s cleaning up a park, serving meals at a shelter, organizing a neighborhood cleanup, or building playground equipment, your differences don’t disappear. Instead, they become secondary to your shared investment in improving the place you all call home.

Can you offer service without the expectation of return?

Volunteer at a food bank and you’ll find yourself working alongside people whose voting records would horrify you, but whose commitment to feeding hungry neighbors matches your own. Join a community emergency response team and you’ll train alongside folks from every conceivable background, all united by the desire to help when disaster strikes. Coach a youth sports team, participate in a community theater production, or help organize a local festival, and you’ll discover that when people focus on serving something larger than themselves, the things that divide them in abstract debates become almost irrelevant in practical reality.

These small, local acts of connection create butterfly effects that extend far beyond their immediate impact. When you see someone’s humanity up close and watch them demonstrate care, competence, and commitment in service of shared goals, it becomes much harder to dehumanize them or their broader community in future political discussions. The face you remember when someone mentions “those people” becomes the face of your neighbor who stayed late to help clean up after the school fundraiser, or the parent who coached your kid’s soccer team with patience and joy.

Unsure if handing a homeless person five dollars will only help them buy alcohol or drugs? Carry nutritional bars with you and hand out food instead. Get to know these people and start a real conversation.

Next time you see a homeless person on the corner, bring a fresh sandwich from your favorite deli. Want to make an even larger difference? Bring two halves. One for them, one for you. Sit with them on the corner and share stories over a meal. 

Not ready to join a community group, meet your neighbors, or share a meal with someone who lives on the street?

Fine. I won’t twist your arm. That would be unneighborly.

Start here. Smile at a stranger you pass on the sidewalk or in a store. Did they smile back? If so, you just made a complete stranger happier and lightened their load. If they didn’t, don’t worry. You chipped away at the foundation. That stranger is more likely to treat others with kindness as the day progresses. They might be a boss who gives a struggling employing a second chance. It might be a father or mother who later does something special for their child. Then that child goes to school the next day and says something especially kind to a teacher or student, who in turn does something wonderful for another, who…

See how the butterfly effect works? 

Keep smiling at everyone you meet. Say something kind to the cashier at the checkout line. Leave a 5-star review for a business which served you well. Go out of your way to say hello to that neighbor you barely know. Or go beyond saying “Hi” and say “Have an amazing day.” 

Not only will you make the other person happy, but you’ll feel great too. I’ve said kind things to complete strangers and felt emotionally charged with positivity for hours. It’s amazing what a few words can do for us.

Now you’ll have given flight to hundreds of peaceful butterflies. And that was just today. Think what you can do tomorrow!

Conversation Starters That Build Bridges

The most powerful conversations begin with human curiosity. Instead of asking, “What do you think about the election?” try “What’s been on your mind lately?” Instead of launching into why someone’s social media post frustrated you, ask “I saw your post about [issue]. What got you interested in that?”

I’ve discovered stories unlock hearts in ways statistics never will. “Tell me about a time when you felt really proud of your community” opens doors. “What’s something you wish more people understood about your background?” invites vulnerability that “Where do you stand on the Israel-Palestine conflict?” repels.

The magic happens when you ask about formative experiences: “What’s something you learned from your parents that still guides you today?” or “Tell me about a moment that changed how you see the world.” These questions bypass ideological defenses.

Showing Respect While Maintaining Your Values

Perhaps the most challenging aspect of bridge building is learning to honor someone else’s dignity without compromising your own integrity. You don’t need to become a political chameleon or pretend you don’t have convictions. Just find ways to disagree that don’t diminish either person’s humanity.

You can say, “I respect your concern for economic stability, and I share that concern. Where we differ is on the best approach to achieve it.” Or “I hear your desire to protect vulnerable people, which I absolutely share. I just think we need different strategies. How could we combine our ideas and create an even better solution?”

The key is being genuinely curious about the values driving someone’s position. Most people aren’t motivated by malice. They’re trying to protect something they care about or promote something they believe will make the world better. 

Modeling in Families and Workplaces

With your family, establish conversation guidelines that preserve relationships while allowing for disagreement. 

At work, seek the perspectives of colleagues who approach problems differently than you do. The accountant who seems focused on budget constraints might have insights about fiscal responsibility that complement your vision for innovation. The sales team member who pushes back on your marketing ideas might understand customer concerns you’ve overlooked.

The best managers transform toxic workplace cultures by modeling curiosity instead of defensiveness when challenged. They ask, “What am I missing?”

It All Comes Back to Love

Imagine a community where differences are treasured, where the conservative’s emphasis on tradition balances the progressive’s push for innovation, where the entrepreneur’s optimism about individual achievement complements the social worker’s understanding of systemic challenges, where the veteran’s appreciation for sacrifice and service finds common ground with the peace activist’s vision of a world beyond violence.

This isn’t some utopian fantasy where everyone agrees about everything. A mature community learns to see disagreement as a feature, not a bug.

In this community, when crisis strikes … and crises always strike … people don’t retreat into ideological camps. They rush toward the need, bringing their different gifts and perspectives to bear on the problem. 

These communities already exist in pockets. The rise in small towns weathering natural disasters, in urban neighborhoods organizing around shared challenges, in workplaces that learn to harness diversity as a creative force. They emerge wherever people decide that their love for their place and their neighbors matters more than their need to be right.

This work is not easy. There will be days when extending grace feels impossible, when the gap between you and someone else seems too wide to bridge, when your own tribe ridicules you for trying to understand “those people.”

There will also be moments of breakthrough. Conversations will surprise you with their depth, and relationships will develop despite ideological differences.

The Margaret Whitmores sharing bread in London’s tunnels, the Phil Penmans and Joanne Capestros finding friendship in the ashes of tragedy, the countless unnamed neighbors who choose curiosity over contempt in a thousand small daily interactions are part of a timeless story that continues to unfold. The question isn’t whether a peaceful society is possible. The question is whether you’ll pick up the tools and join the construction.

The bridge is waiting to be built. All that remains is for you to take the first step.